CFL and Canada's Worst Exports Do Not Mix

Plug your ears because this year's Grey Cup halftime show features Canada's worst.

At first I didn’t want to believe it. Then, I resisted, bit back a WTF and then I just shook my head in disgust. That was my reaction when I read who would be headlining the stage during halftime at this year’s Grey Cup. Justin Bieber. Carly Rae Jepsen. Mariana’s Trench. Gordon Lightfoot. Poor, poor Mr. Lightfoot.

I’m a fanatic for championship games, regardless of the sport. The teams are fired up, the pinnacle of the game is on the line, the drama is amplified and there’s usually a decent spectacle to go with it. Not to mention the buildup before the big game.

For instance, in football’s case, the halftime shows are sometimes bigger performances than the game itself. A few weeks ago, I was really looking forward to watching the 100th Grey Cup, not caring which teams were playing. The key word here is “was.”

Canada’s premier football league is celebrating an entire century and we somehow get a teen sensation, 18-year-old Usher wannabe and a Canadian Idol reject to entertain us? No hatred against Marianas Trench or Mr. Lightfoot. Marianas Trench is a decent band that actually hits 90 per cent of its notes when they sing live and Lightfoot’s a legend. Who can argue? Though, I can imagine he was just thrown into the mix so some of the older fans would know at least one act.

But it shouldn't be like that and from what I’ve read, I’m not the only one who shares this conception. At least, that’s what I read on Twitter. There are those who used more colourful language than I did to express their hatred for the Biebs and the one we have to blame for Call Me Maybe. Others who have been able to keep from expressing their disgust have said, “Deal with it, the CFL is trying to appeal to the younger generation and this is the way to do it.”

Fair enough. I have no doubt that Rogers Centre will be packed to the rafters with diehard football fans, who will be too intoxicated to care who plays the show as well as screaming 13-year-olds and that will make the league money. However, I would like to see each viewer all be handed a post-game quiz on who was playing in the game, who won and naming one player from each team.

For the rest of us who have to watch the game on TV, it will be four quarters of good, hard-fought football broken up by a beer and snack run and an extended bathroom break. The real football fans aren’t the teenage girls who burst into tears at the sight of Canada’s “greatest musical export.” However, if you are a parent who has raised a daughter who will be watching the game primarily for the football, then thank you.

 Bieber may be the biggest thing in music right now, but for a milestone as big as 100 years, why is the CFL trying to appeal to a demographic as small as the one Bieber reaches? Why not throw in a few different genres? Open with someone like Johnny Reid, allow Mr. Lightfoot or another classic act like Rush to grace the middle of the show and then end with Bieber. In one complete circle, you’ll have covered the markets of the wives who aren’t allowed to change the channel, those who appreciate good, Canadian music and the teenyboppers.

It’s not just this year’s lineup that I have a problem with. For some reason, halftime shows have become a constant source of disappointment for me, and not just for the CFL. Every few years, a talented name of a headliner comes along, like Springsteen, the Who or Blue Rodeo, and then there are messes like The Black Eyed Peas who would have been better off lip syncing than attempting to sing live.

It doesn’t help that most of these huge spectacles are kicked off by some of the worst renditions of the national anthem I’ve ever heard, Canadian and American. Butchered anthems in big events are one of my biggest pet peeves. I can forgive forgetting the words. If I was singing in front of 50,000 people I’d be nervous, too. But there is no reason to turn a two-minute song into a five-minute opera that has doubled the notes of the original melody. Now you're just making it harder for yourself.

So for the Beliebers out there, I sincerely hope you enjoy the show. And I say that without the sarcasm. I once was a fan of the old pop scene everyone hated, but in that defense, the old pop sensation played the Superbowl with Aerosmith. To the rest of you, enjoy the game. If you see me slowly walking down the sidewalk with my head down on November 25 around 8 p.m., you’ll know why.

 -Drew