Hawk On Fire

Time for a mood change. Time to start off brand new. I'm re-amping myself far more improved than myself. More details are to follow... Well, where do I stand now? FML and FMLL, (fuck my love life). So you know what?...I'm not even going to get started. But I was pissed and I spazzed like no tomorrow, but I eventually came to my senses and realized I need to me MORE focused on myself rather than placing everyone ahead of me. That may sound selfish, but when it comes to communicating, I need to prove to myself first of all that I'm capable of having to articulate my sense of style and delivery (get the picture?) I wasn't a big social influence back in the day, and today it clearly shows. I was just hopeful to have the friends I have today. Lord knows how we met though. I've cleared my head and refreshed my page so many times this year, I lost count and my computer is failing on me. I was hoping for the best, only got the worst and from there it turned ugly. Right now ...

-Enter Safety Police- Hold me back! Alright, so it's been a while and I have seriously felt a new and extraordinary change in my life. It's the new change of a new beginning. Yes I lost my first relationship due to 'busy schedules', but I've turned around on the idea that there is more to life than just romantic chemistry between a guy and a girl. (Going to more detail about that will positively get me off topic - more on that in the next one :) Where was I? Ah Yes. So ever since my first break-up about a month ago, I have been rather contempt with myself due to the fact that I was opening myself up maybe just a little too much. It's not very common to say that, but in my case, I wasn't satisfied and I was striving for more. Something way past where this was heading. But that's the other half of things. I once had this nightmare where I took it to the next level with her and things just got fucked up. Literally. And honestly, I could never have seen that...

Proudly 6 Months! I made a mistake somewhere. (Not trying to say 6 months was a mistake, just that I feel bad or sorry in a way.) It appears like my conscience has gotten the worst part of me this time. And honestly, I don't know what to do or say. They're telling me I don't need her, telling me I could do better. It's like they're trying to tell me to get rid of her. It's a whole bunch of lies in which I see myself giving up and letting go. But what the fuck am I saying? That's not like me at all. She is the love of my life and is truly always the only one there for me. And at this moment I don't know how to co-operate with it. And i don't know where to turn from here. Do I return and walk down the same path to prolong my enduring battle with the lies and betrayal or find another road leading me out of distress and eventually meeting ms. right? I'd like to take the lies and betrayal any day. But why am I like that? My hopes are down, my mind is ...

Great. (Inhale) Well, it's like the middle of summer for me and really haven't done anything as exciting as I would've thought. I watched half the episodes of Heroes (season 1), in the middle of reading Gladwell's book The Tipping Point; wrote a couple songs and have no reason why and went up north last week, had a good time, but it didn't last. And went to workout yesterday, hardly got anything accomplished because wasn't feeling the full motivation. It feels like my summer is in jeopardy because I have been wasting valuable time on countless opportunities. My mom came home at lunch today and told me that we were going to renovate the entire basement. That's a check mark in my book. The feeling is do we have the money? Well, there are those who would say yeah, you probably have it hiding somewhere, but if you were my mom, you wouldn't have brought up the fact we have been wasting it on unused cable. In fact, the observation is true. We may just have t...

Okay, this is my first post. Let's see how this goes. Now first off, I want to say that this post was originally written on Monday, May 11th, 2009. (A day after mother's day) I'll post it on here because it is the only current post I have - sadly. But I'll be working on some more for y'alls eventually ;) Well without further ado, here it is! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well once again, mother's day has thrown itself around us only for it to pass without us getting any chances to say thanks to our moms for being such hard workers all the time. What i'm saying is this day really went by so fast, I never had any chance to say how great she really is. We really owe it to them. So Thanks Mom! Anyways, on with my first blog and currently only blog; and this is only because I am literally very busy nowadays, it's hard for me to keep track on where things have been moving on from here. You see if you were me...